my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
