He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
