I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
