I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we made out on top of his cat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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