did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
