Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
