Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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