oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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