everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
