My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
even my farts smell like vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
