I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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