It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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