i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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