so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
