I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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