Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
