now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it hurts more in the daytime
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
