unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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