Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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