i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
