Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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