my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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