I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
