I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
