The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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