I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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