I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
