I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
