It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
