Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
