my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
