You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
