Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
