Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
