Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
