you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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