i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dude. I can hear the air.
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