you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
