His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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