dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
