Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am available for nakedness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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