god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
