I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
