I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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