I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
