My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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