The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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