just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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