I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well you can't waste a boner
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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