It's Friday. Sex?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
