I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
