Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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