maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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