well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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