you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
