So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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