I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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