One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
