I puked a lego.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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