I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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