That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
