You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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