i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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