Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she peed on how many people?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
