Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
