Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
