Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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