I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
