he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
