I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
